That Unrelentingly Creepy but Long Since Inhabited Mansion; Late Sunday Afternoon [03/31].

[chef_chocobro]

After what felt like quite possibly the worst detour ever to the Perk after doing his shopping, Ignis made his way back home with only the fact that the espresso was quite serviceable to console him.

That, and, with a little bit of hindsight, something that he was suddenly very interested in getting Liliana's opinion on. Granted, he knew that there were many ways that conversation could go, but, once it was in his head, it was not going to let go until he knew the answer.

Damn his sometimes insatiable curiosity!

Upon arriving, he gave the task of putting the groceries away to the steward for now, so that he could go and find her before he thought better of any of this.

"Liliana, darling?" he called out, taking a moment after the steward shuffled away to the kitchen with his bags to get a sense of where he should be heading next. "Are you home?"

Yes, he could have just asked the steward where she might be at this time, but there was always something so much more satisfying of sending out a call and having her answer.

[[ for the world's MULTIVERSE'S bitchiest sorceress, of course ]]

Comments

[deathsmajesty]

Goddamn right she was. Put some respect on the name.

"In here, my darling," she called from the parlor, where she was curled up reading Carmilla, one of the books Ignis had gotten her for Christmas, a glass of wine close to hand. Because of course they'd stocked up on several more vintages. Pollen or not, time had to be taken for the necessities. "Welcome home," she added absently, turning the page.

And then paused, considered interrogating herself on that comment, and came to the brilliant decision to just not do that at all.

[chef_chocobro]

"Mmm," and there was a casualness in Ignis' hum as he entered the parlor that suggested he would also not be examining his own response to closely, as he traversed that familiar path to where Liliana was lounged, coming up from behind her to bend over and add a kiss to his greeting, "and what a relief to be back, at that. I daresay, it had been more of an...enlightening excursion than I would have expected..."

[deathsmajesty]

"Mmmm," Liliana's own hum was full of pleasure at the kiss, and when she spoke again, he could hear her smile. "Oh? Now you've got me wondering just what they stock at Turtle and Canary's. I suppose they do say they carry everything..."

She patted the divan next to her, because obviously now that he was home back at the house, he ought to be here next to her, where she could curl up around him as was right and proper.

[chef_chocobro]

"Well, I took a small detour," Ignis explained, as he moved from around the divan to that gently patted spot; whether this was because he could hear the soft suggestion against the cushion or simply because it was just the natural progression of such things was anyone's guess, even his own, "after I had concluded my shopping, for a small pick-me-up at the Perk. And I must now implore you," were book and wine glass properly shifted? Because he was slipping off his glasses and then slipping an arm around her as he leaned in close, gracing her with another kiss before continuing, "not to kill the messenger, but, while there, I may have been privy to some rather unsettling news."

[deathsmajesty]

She had, in fact, set the book down (facedown, pages open, yes, she was a gremlin, but books weren't sacred, they were meant to be used!) and placed her wine bottle on the table next to the divan, which freed up a hand to slide into his hair and begin to scritch at his scalp.

"What kind of unsettling news?" Liliana asked, trying to figure out the Venn diagram of what could affect negatively affect her and the island - especially news that didn't (she thought) involve Ignis.

He didn't say it was a tragedy, so the island's coffee supply was still likely intact...

[chef_chocobro]

If that were the case, Ignis would certainly not have this languid attitude of slight bewildered amusement in him, but, instead, would likely be quite inconsolable.

"I has come to my attention," he said, and a light kiss now against Liliana's neck should also contribute to any concerns about the island's coffee supply, "that, apparently, you and I have not been engaging in sexual intercourse sufficiently enough."

Ridiculous, made even more apparent now that he had said it out loud, and the absurdity of it had definitely found its way almost to hilarity at this point.

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana's eyebrows shot to her hairline. "According to whom?" she asked, teetering on the border between entertained and affronted. "And by what criteria are they judging?"

Okay, entertained, affronted, and confused. It had taken them how many days last week to realize that something was amiss on the island?

[chef_chocobro]

"According to a clearly delusional fool," Ignis offered, "built almost entirely, it would seem, on a criteria cribbed the rum-soaked scribbling of a bunch nosy woodland creatures."

[deathsmajesty]

"I really ought to take steps to persuade them not to bother us," Liliana muttered, unaware of how Ignis had already taken that matter into his own hands. "And what, pray tell, was the purpose of informing you of our...lackluster performance?" One eyebrow had returned to its proper place, leaving the other arched. "Did they have suggestions or were they simply informing you for our edification?"

[chef_chocobro]

And, really, it would seem that this was a matter of having taken those steps too effectively, apparently!

"And it would seem that the crux of their concern," Ignis explained, "centered around the health of my testicles."

He gave Liliana just an extra beat to begin to try and process that before adding, "It would seem that they're well overdue for an impending explosion."

He realized, in saying this outloud, that it did rather seem as though he were merely test-running some terrible pick-up lines on Liliana, didn't it?

[deathsmajesty]

And lo, there went that other eyebrow shooting back up to join the other. They truly were getting a workout today.

"Are they now?" she asked. "I hadn't realized that they came equipped with an incendiary device. Interesting."

A moment's thought and then she was shifting in a flurry of skirts, maneuvering to straddle his lap. "I'm terribly sorry, my darling, if I haven't been taking care of your needs." She rocked, once. "Was instruction passed along that I ought to be following?"

[chef_chocobro]

As Liliana shifted onto his lap, it was the least Ignis could do to settle his hands at her sides, sliding them toward her hips, to help makes sure she felt nicely steady there. "I'm afraid," he said, arching slightly closer, "no prescription was made to that effect, except, perhaps...simply that you do."

Oh, it absolutely just sounded like a bad pick-up line now.

But if the tool worked...

[deathsmajesty]

Just ignore the Chain Veil, darling, don't even worry about it.

She leaned down to kiss him, dark hair falling around them like a fragrant curtain. "I'm starting to doubt the veracity of this story, my darling," she teased, a breath away from his mouth. "Starting with the idea that you'd voluntarily sit through this conversation in the first place."

[chef_chocobro]

Well, he usually did ignore it, much to his increasing chagrin.

"I am now realizing that, in recalling these events," Ignis admitted, voice dropped down to that baritone best employed when his breath was so close to hers, "their absurd nature does, indeed, lend itself to sounding like pure falsehoods cleverly crafted to pursue a singular goal, but I assure you, it's all true. And I was, of course, far too dumbfounded by the claim to have done anything but marvel in a dull stupor.

"If you don't believe," one hand sliding now up her back, "I suppose you could always ask her yourself."

Perhaps it was not too late to have Liliana's wrath rain down upon Navaan after all...

[deathsmajesty]

"A singular goal only because I don't see to those needs of yours enough," Liliana said with a chuckle. She finally leaned down to claim that kiss--only to pause.

"She who?" she asked, eyes narrowed, as Ignis's comment brought this conversation from the theoretical to the presumably real.

[chef_chocobro]

And that had, indeed, been the bargaining chip that Ignis felt he was dangling in front of the invocation of Liliana's wrath, a bargaining chip he had, apparently, decided to cash in after all.

"And this is when I offer a reminder," especially when he was this close, "to not to kill the messenger."

[deathsmajesty]

"Oh my darling," Liliana said sweetly, "you're not the one I'm thinking of murdering." She did close for that kiss - a dark and rather bitey one at odds with that silken tone. And when she pulled away...

"Who?"

[chef_chocobro]

"Perhaps not," Ignis agreed, "but it must not go without noting that my body will still be the closest living one at hand.

"But it was Navaan," he snitched like a bitch reported. "She's that other vampire you were so recently bemoaning, isn't she?"

[deathsmajesty]

"But I like your body," Liliana pointed out. "Among the living."

And with that, she rolled off of him and stood up. "I may be late for dinner, my darling. I do hope you're making something that reheats well."

[chef_chocobro]

"But darling," as Liliana moved away, Ignis moved with her, reaching for her hand, "they say revenge is a dish best served cold. I'm afraid I cannot say the same for most of my meals."

[deathsmajesty]

"Mmmm, knowing the quality of your dinner, my darling, I'm quite certain that your meal reheated will still stand head and shoulders above most others serve fresh from the kitchen." She leaned down to peck his cheek. "Don't wait up," she added. "This may take awhile. You know how much I adore being thorough in my work."

[chef_chocobro]

Oh, dear. Could one still be considered complicit in a murder if the victim was already undead?

There was a faint sigh and a reminder that some sacrifices were well worth the price, and when he reached for Liliana again, it was just to briefly wrap an arm around her to give her a kiss before letting her go.

"And you know how much I appreciate thoroughness."

[deathsmajesty]

Dammit, Ignis, you weren't supposed to kiss her like that right before she went out murdering. It was a distraction. Because now she was reaching for him and tugging him back.

"That vampire is damnably lucky that I am far too confident to worry that I am not seeing to your needs," she declared, kissing him again.

And, with a gesture, summoning a number of spirits to her side.

"Go," she said, interrupting the kiss to give orders in a hard voice. "Find her. Scour the island and inform me immediately when you discover her whereabouts."

The spectres fled. Navaan, who had wandered over the Causeway to check on her monks, continued her charmed existence.

[chef_chocobro]

And Ignis, who was now pulling Liliana back toward the divan now that marching orders had been delegated, would end up being very grateful for his own luck in that stunning convenience.

[deathsmajesty]

And this was what you got for being a snitch, Ignis.

No, not the lapful of a very aggressive Liliana - though okay, you also got that - but the reminder there were consequences for your actions - and Liliana's morals were not the same as most other people's.

Though it was understandable if those realizations occurred after she'd worked some of that aggression out.

Dinner, it turned out, ended up being quite late. And quite possibly eaten cold.