Voicemail.

[chef_chocobro]

"You have reached the voicemail of Ingis Scientia. I am unavailable to take your call at this moment, but if you would please leave a message, I will assuredly get back to you as soon as possible."

**BEEEEEEP**

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Comments

[deathsmajesty]

My darling, you may wish to avoid being in the same room as my steward as there are apparently sprigs of very pushy mistletoe floating about. I'm currently trapped in the store with Stark and I wouldn't wish you to suffer a similar fate.

Her steward was, of course, infinitely preferable, but still, if such a fate could be avoided at all.

I've set him to to tidying some of the unused rooms in preparation for the contractor, but thought you should be informed also.

[deathsmajesty]

I have had enough of this. I'll be returning to the manor in a minute. This was a simple enough problem to solve. Planeswalk somewhere else, then Planeswalk back to Fandom, this time returning to the mansion.

That text was followed up five minutes later by another text. It appears I shall not be returning home.

[chef_chocobro]

Ignis had been just about to respond to Liliana's first, unfortunately much too late to be helpful text (of course, he knew what was up the moment he pinpointed exactly what that unfortunately familiar leafy rustling was and realized, with a small amount of dread that meant absolutely no offense to the man, that he and Liliana's steward were, indeed, the only two people present in the mansion when it made its appearance), when the next one came in, and then the next, when the expected arrival was delayed long enough for him to start feeling concerned.

"Is everything alri--well, as alright as they can be in the current situation? Do you require assistance?"

There was only the slightest of pauses, just enough for a breath.

"I'm on my way."

If anything, it seemed far wisee than sticking around here, anyway, in case the mistletoe should decide that their first appeasement of it was unsatisfactory after all....

[deathsmajesty]

Her texts continued to remain texts, simply because she wasn't going to have her half of the conversation out loud with Stark present.

The mistletoe is remarkably persistent and is interfering with my Planeswalking somehow. Do let me know when you've arrived, the front door is simply covered in mistletoe, but I can rot it away long enough for you to duck inside.

Liliana was learning how it felt to be a regular person in a zombie movie.

And then, almost reluctantly... Something to eat would be appreciated if you can.

[deathsmajesty]

Considering it was the last week of the year, Liliana had decided to go into the store and take a final inventory. It wasn't something she could do on her usual days, as it involved spending a great deal of time in the stockroom rather than out front, so she went in a day early to get it done. Ugh, Ignis, you were a terrible influence.

Just for that, she'd decided to call him. Let him entertain her while she worked. Besides, she had a question to ask; she'd meant to bring it up yesterday, but she'd gotten quite distracted by all of the lounging, idleness, and other sundry activities they'd indulged in on their holiday extension.

Well, she'd pester him about it now instead. That would teach him to model productivity at her!

Ring ring!

[chef_chocobro]

Oh, dear. However would Ignis survive such a punishment, truly? He had rather been wondering if he should have been a bit more thorough in his investigation to ensure that nothing had been wrong with Liliana when she'd suggested actually leaving to get some work done, instead of just being smug about what a terrible influence he clearly was being on her, but he supposed this call should illuminate more in that regard.

"Hello, darling," he answered. "Everything alright there at the shop?"

For all he knew, she could be calling from beneath a avalanche of scrolls or out of a wasting desperation of a need for some form of morsel for revitalization in the midst of such tragic productivity! But there could, also, be something wrong, in which case he was already prepared to hurry to her side.

[deathsmajesty]

"Only if you believe that 'terribly bored' is an acceptable state of being and I do not. I would rather starve to death be be bored to it," Liliana said, not at all dramatically. "So I've decided to bother you instead, since it's your fault I'm here. You and your screeds about productivity."

Which she was never listening to again, thank you.

"Fortunately, I remembered I had a question for you." Did Ignis feel that chill go down his spine? "Whatever was Gladio on about over supper, my darling?"

[chef_chocobro]

"Mmmm." There was a soft, thoughtful hum on Ignis' end of the call, one tat did very little to hide the faint smirk on the lips that made it. "Well, I daresay, if you're bored while doing it, you may be going about it all wrong, that sounds positively antithetical to productivity, if you ask me, so perhaps you just need my practice at it, my dear..."

Which felt like a good way for Liliana to just decide to give up and leave it to the experts by dumping it onto him, but he was willing to take that risk. Especially since he imagined her focus would be shifting entirely toward her question and its answer.

"And what do you mean?" he asked. "Going on about what, exactly?"

He had an idea, but Gladio did usually have smug or sarcastic comments about a great many things. Ignis was hardly about to volunteer any illumination on any of them if it could be avoided.

[deathsmajesty]

"Or perhaps it's just simply not to my taste," Liliana mused. "But if you enjoy it, my darling, far be it for me to deny you an opportunity for joy..."

So, she was at least playfully threatening to dump it on him, anyway, even if she didn't think it was actually going to work.

His answer to her actual question made her huff, however. "His comments about your goose," she replied. "Starting with its possible symbolism."

[chef_chocobro]

"Ah," said Ignis, in what could be very much consider a 'that's what I was afraid of' tone. "Yes. That."

There was a pause, as he considered whether his initial plan of how to deal with that, should it come up (as he clearly suspected it would, Liliana's insatiable thirst for gossip knowledge was one of the things he admired greatly about her, after all), would suffice.

"He was no doubt," he then continued, oh so casually, "referring to Shane."

He considered just leaving it there, to leave Liliana's follow-up question to lead the conversation further, but, in deference to her current bored and likely easily irritable mood, he thought much, much better of it.

"A former...companion," ohh, and that word must have had a membership at Atlas, with how much weight it was pulling, "of mine with the unfortunate surname of Gooseman. I'm sure you can deduce what the natural sobriquet to develop around was, and how it may have related to our menu."

[deathsmajesty]

"Ahhh," Liliana said, a wealth of understanding in her voice - for far more than just the unfortunate nickname. 'Companion' indeed, but who was she to demand a specific definition of their relationship?

"Poor man," she said instead. "What an absolutely terrible thing to have people name you." Because clearly it had to be an externally-imposed nickname. Right? "Was he someone you knew in Eos...?"

Liliana hadn't been around the island long enough to notice the rollover of the population yet.

[chef_chocobro]

"He....actually didn't seem to mind," said Ignis, still faintly marveling over that to this day. "I think he'd grown rather accustomed to it, really."

To the point where it had caused actual confusion when Ignis had begun to call him by his given name, a memory that seemed to inspire a very complicated tug in his chest to recall.

"But, no," he continued lightly, "we met here. On Fandom. He was one of my former cooking students."

A detail by which he imagined she could deduce a great deal, especially when paired with other careful word choices.

[deathsmajesty]

A very great deal indeed.

"Things must have been...very complicated," she said carefully. "Once you returned. Ten years is a long time to be away, even if both people are changing at the same rate. One-sided aging makes it harder."

Ask her how she knew. Though rarely in this exact scenario.

[chef_chocobro]

Well, there was hardly any point in asking questions one could already guess the answers to with a least some level.

"Mmm." The sound was as much grunt as it was a hum. "Indeed."

And it was tempting, to just leave it at that, and allow the brevity to continue to speak volumes, but it was far more tempting to not give it space to linger.

"Anyway," he said, almost dismissively; the wave of his hand was practically audible in his tone, "one can hardly expect a man who wears his scars like badges to ignore a golden opportunity to go picking at old wounds, and he does have so few chances to be clever..."

[deathsmajesty]

And as insatiable as Liliana was for details, her own desire to let secrets be secrets had her following his lead as easily here as she did in the dance.

"Very kind of you to give him the opportunity to needle you, presumably as part of your overall Christmas gift," she said smoothly. "I do believe he plans to make a habit of calling me Lils."

[chef_chocobro]

"No doubt," there was more gratitude there, in his soft huff, than wry amusement, though both were making a marked effort to be there, "to make for a fitting companion to Igs. But I'm sure you can sympathize with how much of challenge words can be, once they start gaining syllables past one..."

Forget the fact that Gladio was easily one of the most well-read people that Ignis knew. This was hardly about the man's actual intelligence...

[deathsmajesty]

"Four letters is about the limit I'd expect," Liliana agreed, also ignoring how many of his books she'd read while convalescing at their apartment. "It just means that I can call him Beefslab with impunity now."

Not that that had really stopped her before, either.

"It's not Lili, though, so I suppose I can deal. Besides, the bigger the fuss I make, the more glee he'll derive from calling me that."

She was certain that if she said, in all seriousness, to call her Liliana that he'd respect it, but 'Lils' seemed an unworthy line to draw in the sand, especially so long as he kept it to casual conversations. If he started using it in ways that undermined her authority, they could have talk.

[chef_chocobro]

"Don't," Ignis drawled with an agreeing rumble, "feed the trolls."

Then, there was a silence, the kind that tried to stretch and fit itself oddly into the vast emptiness of the house that had, almost suddenly, opressively, inexorably, settled around him in Liliana's absence from it.

"Darling," he said, not quite a whisper, but with the softness of a voice trying to avoid echoes in such cavernous spaces, "if your work has become tedious to the point of boredom, then perhaps you should put a pin in it for another time and come home. I'm sure there a far better and more productive uses for your time..."

[deathsmajesty]

Liliana was already standing up. She rarely needed a reason to leave work and the...nameless something in his voice - an ache, perhaps, or a yearning - had her moving faster than normal.

"We may have to to argue how productive I intend to be when I get back," she says warmly, grabbing her mantle. "Because I intend to wrap around you and induce both of us into idleness."

[chef_chocobro]

Good.

"Good," said Ignis, though it was quite a bit of a different variation of the word than the one spoken in only his head. "Perhaps a good repartee and lively debate might be just the thing to sharpen your wits again and turn that productivity around. Though I have a feeling, much of the discourse may end up revolving around what may or may not be considered productive in the first place."

He himself was making quite the case to himself for the immense amount of benefit to be found in being wrapped around Liliana in kind just now.

[deathsmajesty]

"Or, rather than trying to waste my sharpened wits on this so-called productivity, we can break in the chessboard," Liliana said, locking the store behind her and towards the road that led to the house. "You did promise to teach me to play, after all."

She so clearly needed instruction, after all. "Surely that would be plenty of productivity for all of us."

[chef_chocobro]

Ignis was quite certain he had never felt so less inclined to play chess before in his life.

"Perhaps," he mused, as another thought started to filter in and, as Liliana was making her move from the store, Ignis gave a little gesture in the effort to summon the steward from...wherever he might have been at that moment, "we shall see how you feel when you arrive. It is..." He drifted into another room, and, yes, there was his distinct presence, and he gestured again, "...a rather complex game after all, and....just a moment, darling..."

He cut himself off to mute the call while delivering some very important, very specific instructions that best not be overheard, and then continued returned to the call.

"Sorry about that. As I was saying, it's a very complex game, many moving parts, and you're best to approach it when your mind has not been dulled by endless inventory. And I would certainly not want to deprive myself of going against you at your best, either."

[deathsmajesty]

"Oh?" Liliana asked, brow arching in intrigue. She wasn't entirely certain what he was building towards - she had her own ideas about what she'd enjoy, of course - but she was curious enough to see where he was going. "Well, you do make an excellent point on the incredible dullness of my day. I believe I shall be guided by you in this, my darling. Perhaps we'll come up with a suitable activity when I arrive." She paused. "So long as it can be done while being wrapped around you. I was quite serious about that."

[deathsmajesty]

Another day of boring inventory, another phone call to the paramour, asking him questions he (probably?) rather not answer.

But this was what happened when Liliana was allowed to get bored.

And who knew! Perhaps it would be fine!

Ring ring!

[chef_chocobro]

"Hello, Liliana," said Ignis, answering the phone with perhaps a touch of concern for what might possibly befall him next. "I don't suppose you're calling to ask me to put some champagne on ice because you've managed to already categorize and organize your entire inventory already, are you?"